I was at the library today tumblin and the guy next to me literally turned his entire body to face me and we just looked at each other and no words were spoken anyway this is the face he made
Time and I have never been exactly in sync. I’ve always been too late to see the beauty in something or too quick to assume the worst. Shortly after the last time I wrote you I became a little high strung. I was mad and starving myself and just so focused on the little injustices of my life that I was seeing red. I was putting all of this good energy into the people around me and turned bitter that they weren’t willing to give it back. We put ourselves on this wheel sometimes. The truth is we’re meant to give it to ourselves. So here’s the thing. When you stop putting energy into other people and put things in reverse, you’ll find that time becomes more willing to help you out. In fact, the second I stopped reaching out to stone-cold unwilling sources, I was able to find time to sit with myself and reevaluate. you asked me what I think about when I first wake up int he morning. Breakfast. What I mean by that is that I’m thinking about now, always. No more past or future. Just now. Because I’ve come to find that’s really all that exists. I’m putting my heart into the present. Because that’s where it’s benefiting my soul the most. What has thinking of the past or future done for me? I have to go. I’m really pumped about everything you said in your letter. And this new love interest of yours as well! ;) I need to go to class now. I’m not done here, though!
So the last time we talked, I recall both of us being so relieved and anticipating the next chapter. Lately since I’ve been so busy I’ve decided just to write you here. I bet you’re wondering what happened with, well, everything. A few things went as planned. You know, I see certain people frequently and others not so much. But mostly I get alone time. Which before now I really used to resent. Because of some recent turn of events I now consider it a haven. I go down into the basement of the library and cut myself off from real life. I mostly write and try to think things through. Of course I go in circles. It’s been so much lately that I can’t express to anyone. Have you ever compromised yourself? Like, you really want to be okay with the way things are so you just ignore the knots you’ve tied up in your stomach and try to overlook your true feelings. I just don’t see any other options here. Also, my parents are moving here. Soon Moonville is going to be only a memory. I’m trying to be cool about it because there is a lot of good that will come out of that. But I want to suppress the fact that I’m in a bit of a panic. Where can I run away to now, if not home? Cola used to be something I could brush off. Like if I screw things up here, I’ll just run home to mom. But Cola is becoming eerily concrete now. On top of that, some things here just aren’t good under the surface. While I’m loving my alone time, I’m feeling mighty lonely when I’m around other people. I daydream about being close to complete strangers and I’m wrapping myself up in fictional characters on television. I don’t feel I’m able to share most of my poems anymore and I always erase what I write when I try to reach out to old friends. The one’s I do keep in touch with are getting along wonderfully and I’m making comparisons to them too often now. On top of that I’m getting a few jabs at the feelings I’ve been ignoring which isn’t helping my case any. I’m closing up from my life, yet I’m holding on to some ideas pretty tightly which is keeping me from going completely into a cocoon-like state. I think you’d understand what I mean when I say “Havoc” is becoming more relevant these days. So that’s now. What about you? How’s life in the fast lane over there? Don’t hold back, you know I’m all about those details. ;) Thanks for once again hearing me out,
A guy just caught me trying to blog my feelings on tumblr and now he’s smiling at me from across the library like he knows something. dang it I’ll just have to say it later
No one’s picking up the phone
Guess it’s me and me
And this little masochist
She’s ready to confess
All the things that I never thought
That she could feel and
Nothings been the same
So are you gay
Are you blue
Thought we both could use a friend
To run to
And I thought you’d see with me
You wouldn’t have to be something new
two seasons of destination truth, two seasons of felicity, two pizzas later and I still can’t just take my mind off of things
Where do I go to release how hopeless and lonely I feel at this very moment? No one ever means to hurt your feelings but that doesn’t prevent it from happening.
Welcome to my secret clubhouse. This is where all executive decisions are made.
On this sunny Saturday
Do you ever want want to play by yourself
Do you ever want to be a stray
I cannot not go back inside
She’s going to tell me who has died
They’ll be taking something with them
I’ll be watching from the hillside
I don’t know how to give goodbyes
Or what to do when someone dies
Or what in the next weekend lies
What little worlds will be destroyed
When things stop being sweet and coy
What does it mean to be a boy?